Colonoscopy and the Fear that Everyone Wants to Hurt Me

So, I have avoided submitting to the dreaded colonoscopy well beyond the recommended age that the screening is supposed to take place. For my international readers, all Americans are encouraged to be screened for colon cancer when they are 50. My husband went under the gun; I mean invited this home invasion; I mean was screened against his will and at the insistence of his doctor some years back. I am happy to report that he survived the procedure and entertained his caregivers with an overflow of hilariously unrestrained friendliness while recovering from the anesthesia.

On the other hand, I have strenuously resisted all attempts to convince me that such a screen was in my best interest. Have you noticed that telling God no is a surefire way to activate his “Oh yes you will?” Back in the day—waaay back, I am happy to report—I told God that I would never quit smoking pot; that he was wasting his time even going there.

Pot smoking was the first of my heathen bad habits to go away. It went so far away that even the thought of being in the same room with pot gives me the willies. Email me if you want the details.

Yes! God can change a mind. After telling the Lord “no thank you” to a colonoscopy; that I would take my chances with colon cancer, every single commercial on TV was about screening for colon cancer. Every Single One. Friends began sharing colon cancer stories. Colon cancer stories popped up on my FB news feed. One friend, whose mother had just been diagnosed via a colonoscopy, asked why on earth was I not getting a screening? To which I had to respond that I was scared out of my wits! I asked for prayer.

Here is what the Lord showed me. My heart believed beyond a doubt that Everyone Wants to Hurt Me. Are you aware that your heart is designed to believe absolutely without question? Once your heart settles into a belief, it is there for good unless some intervention takes place.

Blessed be the name of our God, I know how to intervene. I broke all vows to Never Forget that Everyone Wants to Hurt Me. I sent all attached evil spirits to the feet of Jesus to be judged there. And I firmly instructed my heart to stop believing what it believed. Instead, I directed it to believe this: All bad things happen because of the fall, not because everyone wants to hurt me. I then directed my heart to believe that No One Wants to Hurt Me (realizing the devil does but so what to him). A few days later, I made a doctor’s appointment and will be scheduling my lovely home invasion screen soon.

I feel no fear AT ALL.

I don’t think all of us have my heart belief, but I think many of us do. So, let’s pray together and break it.

-In Jesus’ name, I break the inner vow I took to Never Forget that Everyone Wants to Hurt Me. I break the assignments of any evil spirit attached to that vow. I send all evil spirits to the feet of Jesus to be judged.

-Heart, from now on you will stop believing that everyone wants to hurt me. Instead you will root and ground me in the grace and love of God.

-Lord, God, please heal all the hurts that have resulted because I believed in my heart that everyone wants to hurt me. Amen.

The above prayer may surface some hurts that need addressing in the presence of the Lord. I pray for you that you will be saturated in his love as you work through painful heart beliefs.

… it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace … Hebrews 13:9

I may—or may not—report on how the colonoscopy goes 🙂

Hugs and blessings, 
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New Website & Audio Teaching!

Cover Audio Heart Teaching

Written February 2017

I am very excited to announce that the ministry’s website is up and running AND I have overcome the looming obstacles of unknown (and, thus, terrifying) technology to record a downloadable audio teaching.

The audio teaching tackles how the heart believes. This is a very important subject because our hearts are designed to organize early life experiences in such a way that some kind of understandable order is imposed upon reality. Our hearts organize and manage our experiences so that we do not live in complete confusion, never knowing what to expect next.

Once your heart has decided upon a system of “how life works for me” it will then apply this belief system to everything important in your life. This is great when your heart is rooted and grounded in love. Sadly, most hearts are more rooted into insecurity.

Healing Starts with the Heart explains how the heart is designed by God to understand and believe. Then, the teaching explores practical ways to discover what your heart really believes and how to dismantle any wrong and painful heart beliefs that are holding you back. I even included some science for those who enjoy that sort of supporting evidence.

The download is only $9 and includes a written transcript so that you can read along as you listen. I believe you will find the investment of time and money well worth it. Here is the link: Healing Starts with the Heart

Smiles and blessings to you all,

Are You Blaming the Wrong Thing?

Written March 2017

I know you have heard expressions like these: Life is Hard then You Die; Love Hurts; No Good Deed Goes Unpunished; Don’t Get Your Hopes Up. Here is a favorite of mine that makes me chuckle: Don’t fall in love. Fall off a bridge. It hurts less.

We have all heard, made and agreed with these kinds of statements without giving them much thought, simply accepting them as true and wise sayings.

I certainly didn’t give them much thought. I have even told people during ministry that “Life is just hard. Thank goodness that we are only here for a short (and miserable) time.” In other words, Life is Short and Painful then You get to Die. Yay. Not my most shining moments in ministry.

I’m not a positive confession kind of girl. (Been there; done that.) I’m not going in that direction with this. I’m writing about blaming the wrong thing for our pain; something God showed me we do without even realizing it. Before I explain further, let’s get up to speed on the human heart.

Your heart is the manager of your perception of reality. What your heart understands about reality is drawn from your early life experiences, starting from within the womb until you are about seven years old. Once your heart manager has created a template, or blueprint, for “how life is for you,” then that becomes the filter through which all of your life is experienced.

I explain this concept much more completely in Healing Starts with the Heart. Here is the link to that audio teaching. Healing Starts with the Heart

Just how significant is the human heart? Recall that when King Solomon asked God for wisdom to govern the people, God did not give him a wise and discerning mind. God gave him a wise and discerning heart. (See 1 Kings 3). Learning how your heart works is extremely important, because what you believe with your heart will always triumph over what you believe with your rational mind.

“for with the heart a person believes” Romans 10:10

The Lord started explaining that we (all of us; humanity) are blaming the wrong things for our pain by asking me this question: “What do you believe about love?”

My mind is capable of responding with many theologically correct answers, but God was not asking me what my rational mind believed. He was asking me what my heart believed. So, I asked my heart, “What do you believe about love? My heart answered, “Love makes you dirty.”

Ugh! Not what I wanted to hear, but it was true and explained so much. Now I knew why I wouldn’t let Father God close to me in the spirit. Now I understood why I would see sexually explicit nastiness that made me recoil from resting in His presence. Forget about spiritual intimacy! That was too creepy. Because my biological father had said he loved me while also defiling me, it was settled in my heart that love was to blame for my pain. If my father hadn’t loved me, I wouldn’t be dirty. No way was I going to let Father God love me because love makes you dirty!

From that insight, I began to notice that I was also blaming life for my pain and suffering. I would say, think and feel that my life was too hard and disappointing. Death became something to long for so I could escape the pain of life.

Hope? Not going to do that, because hope just disappoints. Better to just not hope so when the inevitable disappointment happens, it won’t hurt so much. Or so my reasoning went. Kindness? What was the result of being kind? You just drown trying to save someone else.

Love became something to be avoided; life something to be feared; hoping was too risky, and kindness resulted in being overwhelmed. Kindness, hope, life and love were all to blame for my suffering!

What about truth? Let’s not forget truth! How many of us are afraid of the truth because we think the truth will expose us and reveal something bad?

Because my heart accepted that love, life, hope, kindness and truth hurts me, it compelled me to back away from these things. This is not good! Jesus came to give me abundant life. Only I run shrieking from it, terrified, because I perceive with my heart that life is pain. It feels true that He is giving me more pain when He offers me abundant life.

What about truth? What happens when He offers me truth? My heart screams, “Don’t give me any of that truth!” Some of us really believe in our hearts that truth will destroy us. So we hide from the very thing that Jesus promised would set us free.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

“you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” John 8:32

Life is ALWAYS good. It cannot be anything else because ALL life comes from God. There is no other source of life. There is not Life Source A: God-life which is the very best AND Life Source B: Non-God life which is just ok.

There is only ONE life source. If you are struggling, it is not life that is hurting you.

All life, love, hope, joy, peace, light, kindness, truth – all good things – come down from the Father of lights. It is impossible for any gift from God to be bad for us. Sin, which is loose in the world because of the fall, has borne the fruit of death. That is the cause of all pain. (See Romans 5:12; 6:23)

Just like all life is good, all love is good. What my father called love was actually sin. Sin made me feel dirty. Because I blamed love, I shied away from ALL love. I was blaming the wrong thing.

Let’s Pray: Father God, Creator of all, Giver of life and all good and perfect gifts, we worship You. Life, love, hope and truth are gifts that are always good. Open our understanding so that we can see what we are doing. Help us blame sin which is the true source of our pain. Forgive us for blaming You and Your gifts. Forgive us for blaming the wrong things for our pain. Guide us in the paths of righteousness for Your Name’s sake. In Jesus’ beautiful name, Amen.

What are you blaming for your pain? I invite you to comment; ask questions; start a discussion about this topic. Let’s learn and grow together.

Smiles and blessings,


Lighting Up the Darkness

Written November 2016

It’s Not About Politics. Honest!

I ran across a funny meme on Facebook the other day. It read: “I don’t think America should elect any president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.”

Let me establish this fact upfront: I’m not very political and I’m not writing about politics. But with the election looming on the horizon, many of us here in America are very tuned into the state of our world. There’s a lot of outrage at the forced normalizing of non-biblical lifestyles as well as frustration and resentment toward the ongoing social engineering being mandated by the government. Confusion is running at an all-time high as ferocious mind games target our perception of good, calling it evil, and evil, calling it good. Add in terrorism. Add in the sanctioned attacks on Christians who refuse to abandon their consciences and conform to the current coercive social agenda. So, in a nutshell, the world is a hot mess. (Hot mess defined: a person or thing that is spectacularly unsuccessful or disordered).

So we have a reality: the world is NOT getting better. If anything sin-fruit has gone rotten on the vine. Hey?! Did you know that the most popular name for baby boys is Noah? Is that prophetic?

For the coming of the Son of Man will be just like the days of Noah. Matthew 24:37

So we are living in a natural/social/cultural/political world and must be honest about the reality of that world. At the same time, we are living within a spiritual atmosphere lorded over by “the prince of the power of the air” who is Satan (Ephesians 2:2). In this writing, I am less concerned about the natural world and more concerned about overcoming “this present darkness” mentioned in Ephesians 6:12. (And, as some of you know, This Present Darkness is the title of a Frank Peretti book. It’s a good book.)

Does it seem to you that the darkness covering the earth is growing deeper and more smothering as the days pass? It does to me. It is so easy to slide into discouragement over circumstances and personal pain. Easier than ever before. The pressure to sink into despair and hopelessness has never been as strong. Everywhere I look I see pain, suffering, ignorance, poverty, lawlessness, rage, hatred, violence, and deception. (Let’s also toss in how filthy the entertainment industry has become and how pushy it is about its social agenda). Scripture addresses the state of the world in the last days.

Know this first of all, that in the last days mockers will come with their mocking, following after their own lusts, and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all continues just as it was from the beginning of creation.” 2 Peter 3:3-4

But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. 2 Timothy 3:1-5

So what can we do to navigate these last days? How can we light up the darkness? First, recognize that the darkness we are perceiving is both real AND it is being amplified or exaggerated. Our world is a hot mess BUT the enemy is also exaggerating the spiritual darkness to the point that many of us despair of seeing God in the midst of the world’s troubles and our own personal problems.

As an inner healing and deliverance minister let me be the first to point to the heart as the storehouse of our beliefs. Check your heart! What does it believe that gives the enemy a handle to manipulate you with? (Buy my book Healing from the Inside Out and learn how heart-based belief systems are built and how to dismantle them!) Or find some other resource that equips you with effective tools to cleanse and heal your heart. Check out Jim Richards’ website Get your heart healed! The issues of life flow from it (Proverbs 4:23). I realize heart healing is a long-term project, so better get started now!

Meanwhile, beautiful children of the Lord, recognize that this present darkness is being exaggerated and amplified by the enemy who is taking advantage of our messed up world and our messed up hearts. He needs our fear and despair; rage and resentment, because he is dependent upon the energy we produce when we are so miserable.

Although we live in a dark world, remember that “you, brethren, are not in darkness … for you are all sons of light and sons of day. We are not of night nor of darkness” (1 Thessalonians 5:4-5). “See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are” (1 John 3:1). Let’s purpose in our hearts and minds to remember that God is not intimidated or overwhelmed by this present darkness. Hold on to Him. Hug the cross to your heart. You are His beloved, regardless of how you feel about that.

Let me pray for you.

Creator God, the Father of Light in whom there is no shifting shadows, open our hearts and minds, open our eyes and our understanding so that we see and perceive Your hands and heart at work on our behalf. Cause us to experience in a tangible way the reality of Your presence in the midst of this darkness. For You have said, “Light shall shine out of darkness.” You have “shone in our hearts, giving us the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:6). Help us lift up our voices in worship even in the midst of the deepest darkness. It is in worship, lifting our fears and problems to You, focusing our hearts and minds on You that we find freedom and comfort. In the name of our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ, I pray.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,

And the light around me will be night,”

Even the darkness is not dark to You,

And the night is as bright as the day.

Darkness and light are alike to You.

A Psalm of David (139:11-12)